She’s Mad That She Got Called Out for Mom-shaming Her Sister-in-Law, Her Fellow Stay-at-Home Mom of 3, for Getting So Much Help With Childcare and House Management


woman holding baby and screaming looking at a blouse

The original poster posted on the “Am I The ***hole” subreddit after she was called out for shaming her sister-in-law for how she runs her house and brings up her kids. They both are stay-at-home moms, but OP thinks she is having a more difficult time than her sister-in-law and thought it was appropriate to rub it in her face.

Same Job, Different Routines

The OP is basically a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) but has some freelance work she does a few hours a week. OP’s husband has a 9-6 job, so it’s OP that does most of the house management and childcare.

OP’s brother-in-law (her husband’s brother) is what OP describes as one of those “workaholic finance bros with tons of money”. She says she doesn’t know what her BIL makes, but it is enough to afford them a 6-bedroom house in an affluent neighborhood and several vacation homes.

The sister-in-law (BIL’s wife) is a stay-at-home mom, just like OP. The two families both have three kids.

The SAHM mum situation in these two cases is, however, different. SIL’s kids are already in elementary school, so they spend part of the day in school. OP says her youngest is not school-going yet.

Besides, SIL has two nannies to help her with the kids; one nanny works on weekdays and another in the evenings and weekends. On top of this, they have a full-time maid and cook.

In short, SIL sublets what OP thinks a SAHM mom should handle by themselves. SIL also lets the nannies pick up the kids from school and other activities. SIL’s and OP’s older kids go to the same small private school.

“You Don’t Have Much on Your Plate…”

OP says she feels like her SIL constantly seeks praise. She, however, does not see why she deserves any praise because her nannies do most of the work. The only time the SIL has to take care of the kids is supposedly in the mornings as she prepares them for school. This alone can be a handful, and OP, too, agrees.

So, there was this time they were at a school event and were in the company of other parents. SIL started saying how she didn’t have ‘coverage’ for the next day, so she would have to focus on childcare and not do any other thing. The other parents instantly started sympathizing with her, and OP could not just stand it.

She could not get what more her SIL had to do. She was a SAHM whose kids were all school-going, and she had two nannies and a maid. Acting on her impulsive thoughts, OP blurted out, “Try not having ‘coverage’ at all.”

SIL immediately confronted her for this comment but later changed the subject to avoid pursuing the argument.

She kept a low profile but later confronted OP for mom-shaming her, saying they were both SAHM moms and her job was just as challenging. She and another mother from the group have been cold towards OP ever since.

Now, OP admits that it was a dumb, impulsive comment but still thinks she was on the right. Is she wrong for saying it?


Redditors Weigh In

One commenter said, “I’m going to say YTA slightly because, as I get it, parenting is challenging and often a thankless job. But your SIL didn’t ridicule you in any way until you came at her with a heat-of-the-moment (and unnecessary) comment about how she’s raising her kids.

Don’t worry about her kids outside of just being their aunt. Worry about your kids. It sounds like you’re doing, but other people’s kids and how they’re raised really isn’t your problem.”

Do you think OP is being too involved in how her sister-in-law runs her household?

Also, do you think OP comes from a place of jealousy? Because many Redditors think she is too invested in how much better her SIL lives than she should be.

For instance, one comment said,, “I’m afraid YTA – you sound very bitter & jealous of your SIL’s life in general. Perhaps talk to your partner about getting more support, don’t take it out on SIL.”

And lastly, “The preamble about how big their house is and several vacation homes had nothing to do with the post. This is how you know OP is jealous. BIL works long hours, meaning there’s only one parent regularly available for the kids and running their house. It makes sense for BIL/SIL to hire nannies and a maid/cook to help SIL manage the day-to-day things. Hell, the help could make it easier for the parents to spend quality time with the kids individually and manage outings better. OP comes across as jealous that her SIL isn’t bound by the same SAHM routine, which makes her TA..”

How should OP move forward? Should she try to mend her relationship with her SIL? Should she organize to get childcare for herself because, in my opinion, she wants it and can afford it? What should she do?


This article was produced and syndicated by A Dime Saved.

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Originally posted 2023-04-16 20:13:40.