A Reddit user shared a story about how she declined to give the flower-girl role to her miracle baby niece, leaving her brother and sister-in-law furious.
The Miracle Baby Is the Center of Focus for Everything
The OP is getting married in the spring. Her fiancé has two kids aged 10 and 6 (boy and girl consecutively) from a previous marriage. When they got engaged a year ago, OP’s stepdaughter asked if she could be the flower girl at their wedding, and they agreed.
After trying many times, OP has an older brother who finally succeeded in having a baby girl one and a half years ago. The kid is treated as the miracle baby of the home.
She is the center of attraction at every family event. The OP thinks that the attention to the kid is a bit excessive, but no family member wants to speak out for fear of being labeled a ‘jerk.’
When the sister-in-law (SIL) approached the OP requesting that the niece become the flower girl, the OP told her that she had already promised the role to her stepdaughter.
The SIL suggested that the step-daughter could carry the miracle baby, but the OP refused, noting that her step-daughter was only six years old and the niece was barely 2.
The SIL said she would carry the niece herself, but the OP was firm, saying she could not take the role away from her step-daughter as she had promised a year ago. The SIL accused the OP of not loving the niece whilst underlining how hard they had tried for her.
She also said the OP is letting her niece down by not giving her that role. The OP snapped and told her that she loves her niece and that everyone is aware of their struggle, but there was nothing much she could do for her. She would incorporate her in photos and other events but would not give her the roles since she was too young to remember anyway.
The SIL and OP’s brother became angry and went around telling everyone how the OP does not love and honor their golden child. OP’s mother stayed quiet about the whole affair, but OP knows she thinks the role should be given to the miracle baby.
OP has stood her ground, and her fiancé has thanked her for not letting her stepdaughter down. OP wants to know if she was wrong in refusing to take the flower-girl role from her step-daughter and give it to her almost 2-year-old miracle niece.
The Masses Weigh In
Most Reddit users sided with the OP, and they had interesting comments to make. We have sampled some of them here.
Many noted that the relationship between the OP and her stepdaughter will be influenced by the choice you make here. One user said, “You absolutely have every right to honor the stepdaughter over the niece, and these first moments as stepmom are going to cause the ripple that forms the pond that is your relationship for her whole life.”
Another one quipped, “The relationship you’re creating with your bonus children is very important and delicate. Do not back down.”
One user said the OP was not at fault here, “You aren’t letting your niece down, at all. It is not your fault that your commitment came first to your stepdaughter. If you had picked your niece, it would draw a firm wedge between your SD and you. Your SD was given the task long back, and your SIL is being a bit excessive here.”
“Your niece won’t remember being flower girl for your wedding but your stepdaughter will DEFINITELY remember you reneging on your promise to her to be flower girl at HER FATHER’S WEDDING,” added another.
You Are Setting a Solid Foundation for a Happy Marriage
According to one user, the OP’s actions were right, “This is you and your fiancé’s day and his daughter should naturally come first. And your loyalty should firstly be to him, not the rest of your family. He will appreciate how you didn’t back down and supported him. Sounds like a great foundation for a happy marriage!”
“Your wedding is not a place to honor anyone but you, your fiance and his kids. It’s amazing you’re including them in the wedding, and it’s important. You’re becoming a family,” added another user.
The Kid Will Grow Up Entitled
Several users have noted that the SIL treats her baby too delicately, and this could create issues for her in the future. One said, “She likely doesn’t realize that she’s making those around her uncomfortable. I feel for the kid because if her mom doesn’t get help babe will turn into an entitled monster.”
Another added, “Just because it was a challenge, that doesn’t mean your niece needs to be the center of attention at every family event. She’s potentially harming her child by putting this kind of focus on her.”
Your Sister-in-Law Is Narcissistic
Another user suggested that SIL is the one who sought all the attention and used her daughter to get it, “Your niece won’t know or remember the wedding at all. So the only one your SIL is trying to benefit is herself. And to suggest that you remove your husband’s own daughter from the wedding so that your SIL can feel special is just narcissistic as hell.”
“This day is about you, fiance, and the kids present in the marriage. Your SIL/brother are being entitled and unreasonable,” said another.
The 2-Year-old Won’t Remember, but the 6-Year-old Will
One user urged the OP to remain firm because her niece won’t remember, but her stepdaughter will, “A two-year-old isn’t even going to remember your wedding, but your stepchildren will. They will always remember and appreciate that you gave them special roles in your wedding,”
“Don’t damage the relationship with your stepdaughter by choosing the niece over her. The niece won’t even remember even if she was the flower girl,” another person commented.
Do you think the OP was wrong in refusing to let her sister-in-law manipulate her into taking the flower-girl role away from her stepdaughter to give to her niece? Was there another way this could have played out without any party feeling hurt or left out?
This article was produced and syndicated by A Dime Saved.
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Originally posted 2023-03-23 07:58:36.