Would you want to keep in contact with a close friend who did not invite you to their wedding? It is understandable if it is a small wedding and the friendship is not close. But imagine your closest friend asking you to plan their birthday party free of charge after not inviting you to their wedding.
This happened to OP, who posted about it in the “AmIThe***hole” subreddit, seeking people’s opinions.
Close Knit Friendship
OP met her friend Jane* when they were both studying abroad. They were great friends and spent a lot of time traveling together. They actively kept in touch even after college and would visit each other in the different cities they stayed in.
So Jane and her then-boyfriend (now husband) Bob moved to OP’s city just before the Covid lockdown. They became so close at this time, celebrating each other’s birthdays, spending Christmas together, and even having Friendsgiving.
Your Pro Event Planner
Bob and Jane then got engaged in August 2021, and when they returned from their engagement destination, OP threw them an engagement party. She even gifted Jane a wine glass that said, “Wedding planning wine glass.”
Wedding planning can be an extreme sport, so OP thought that was a perfect present for a bride-to-be to unwind after long days.
Jane seemingly loved it and would send OP pictures whenever she used it.
Then, 2022 came, and Jane asked OP to plan Bob’s 30th birthday, which she successfully did for free.
You Are Not Invited
2022 was also the year their issues started because Jane didn’t invite OP to her birthday that year. OP texted Bob asking about Jane’s birthday plans, and he said they would be going out of state to celebrate it.
To OP’s surprise, Jane posted her birthday celebrations of them renting a cabin with some other friends. OP says she felt bad about this because of how close they had been with Jane.
The next thing OP knows is that Jane is holding her bachelorette party but was not invited. She says she did not find it a massive deal because Jane had some close childhood friends that she chose to prioritize.
Over 200 People Are Closer to Me Than You Are
Then the wedding came, and OP didn’t get an invite. And yes, it was a big wedding with over 200 people. OP says this hurt her, but she did not say anything. She tried to move on from all this and never really talked to them.
OP then noticed they never contacted her; she always started the conversations.
Can We Get Your Free Services Whenever We Want To?
Then, when she thought they had broken contact entirely, Bob contacted OP, asking her to plan Jane’s birthday because she is the “best at planning these things.”
OP did not try to ignore the elephant in the room, so she told Bob how hurt she was for not getting invited to their wedding.
Bob dismissed her, saying they had limited space at the wedding, and told her to quit making a big deal out of it. He said they all wanted her to be present for Jane’s birthday.
OP turned him down and now says she no longer wants to be friends with them. Is she being petty?
The Masses Weigh In
The thread is labeled OP NTA. Many told her she was better off completely cutting them off or charging them for their services as they were not interested in friendship but the skills she brought to the table.
Convenience Friendship
One commenter highlighted what they thought Bob and Jane were interested in. They said, “NTA – space at the wedding wasn’t a problem if they had 200 guests. They don’t want you to be at her birthday; they want your planning skills. Bob said as much.”
Another added, “In this case, OP, you could plan the party, and you do so by charging the average rate of a party planner in your area; if Bob asks why, you tell him that they’re lying about the last birthday and not inviting you to recent events, telling you that they now see you as a resource instead of a friend. And resources get paid.”
Cut Them Off
Another commenter disagreed with OP charging Bob and Jane for party planning. They said, “Why even bother? They don’t care about OP or see her as a friend. It’d be much better for OP’s mental health to cut them off and move on. There’s no need to play games or try to pull a stunt on them when the relationship is already over.”
And finally, “Tell Bob that there are around 200 people they’re closer to than they are to you, so he should ask one to plan the birthday party. NTA.”
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This article was produced and syndicated by A Dime Saved.
Originally posted 2023-10-24 17:30:50.
