A Reddit user has shared his story of feeling gaslighted by his wife’s control of the family finances and reluctance to be flexible with the creation of a ‘fun fund.’
Financial History
The original poster (OP) has recently left the armed forces, securing a new job paying just under six figures. The OP has been the household’s only owner for the past few years due to Covid and moving homes. His wife is keen to work but finds it challenging to hold down a job.
She Went on a Spending Spree
In 2019, the OP’s wife went on an extravagant spending spree, trying to indulge in her desire to try photography. Unfortunately, this excessive spending led to significant credit card debt that put the family under pressure. Following this, the OP became depressed and gave up doing the household’s finances due to the amount of pressure he was under.
The OP’s wife luckily cleared the family’s debt within five months, for which the OP was hugely grateful, and she continues to be strict about spending.
Current Spending
Unfortunately, the OP’s wife’s new-found frugality is having a detrimental effect on the family. The OP describes having to ask permission prior to making any purchases despite being the main breadwinner. His wife claims that they “have no money,” yet the current budgeting means that they are saving huge sums each month.
Having bought things in the past without his wife’s permission, she has dictated that he ought to return the item and claim a refund. Before deciding to buy something, the OP considers whether it is worth the argument that will undoubtedly occur.
Fun Fund
Lately, the OP’s wife has secured a job, meaning the family’s earnings have significantly increased. As a result, the OP suggested that both he and his wife keep some of their wages and allocate them to a ‘fun fund,’ allowing them to spend guilt-free on items of their own choosing.
Initially, the wife was receptive to the idea, but then she changed her mind and expressed that they needed to continue to save.
Do You Even Know What Gaslighting Means
The OP shared the benefits of the idea of a ‘fun fund’ with his wife. However, she remained determined to continue with the finances as they were. At this point, the OP told his wife that she was gaslighting him. She exploded in his face and asked if he knew what that term meant.
Reactions
While many Reddit users expressed that ‘gaslighting’ was not the correct term for the OP to have employed, many did share that they felt she was being unfair. Indeed, the wife was financially abusive due to her excessive spending, and the OP did not have from overspending.
Some users even questioned how accessible his wife’s money is to the OP and if she is saving for their future or just her own.
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This article was produced and syndicated by A Dime Saved.
Originally posted 2023-09-19 13:00:15.
