The original poster posted on the “WorkingMoms” subreddit asking for help dealing with her partner who mom-shames her for finding a seemingly perfect balance to juggle work and motherhood.
Juggling Work and Motherhood
The original poster (OP) says she has been having difficulty handling the mom’s guilt that her partner instills in her.
To give a background, the father of her child works out of the town they live in. He is away for 3 months straight, then comes for a 12 days break before hitting the road again.
On the other hand, OP also works a full-time job where she must be at the office twice a week. She can work from home for the rest of the days but still chooses to go to the office. You know how difficult it can be to get work done with a 4-year-old at home. She, therefore, chooses to go to the office on most days and have her daughter at the daycare, which she says gives her mom guilt.
Mom guilt is a thing, especially if you feel you could have done better as a parent. When it hits in, anyone would appreciate a supportive partner or circle. However, whenever OP seeks a shoulder to lean on or whenever she needs some refueling, her partner tells her that she chose to do everything that happens. He says he would have done things differently if he were in OP’s shoes.
Stay Home and Take Care of Your Daughter
This man keeps saying OP should be at home with the daughter daily yet OP has to work to support the family.
She is the primary provider of the family; she pays for the daughter’s daycare that costs 1500 per month. She says that her partner’s income alone would not support the family, yet he still says that OP should stay home and care for their daughter. She adds that he would not consider being a stay-at-home dad, yet he is still big on mum-shaming.
How should OP tackle the mum-shaming thrown at her?
Redditors Weigh In
One commenter had some eye-opening questions for OP, “What would he do differently? Work from home with your daughter there all day? Ask him why he doesn’t take her with him when he leaves for three months for work. Does she still go to daycare when he’s home for 12 days? You’re doing great. I can’t imagine solo parenting for months and then catching guff from my absentee-father spouse about using daycare so I can work.”
Some Redditors advised OP to take the highway, “Could you survive on your salary alone? I’d honestly consider divorce in this situation. It’s already tough for someone to be gone most of the time, but then to be such an **s about using daycare. I’m furious on your behalf.”
Another jumped in, “His view of y’all’s finances is unhealthy. No one parent should foot the bill for childcare, no matter who the breadwinner is. It’s a household expense. If he won’t stay at home, he has no say. I’m sorry, but he is awful for thinking this way and making you feel an iota of shame when you are the solo parent most of the time. What a jerk. You are doing way above and beyond mom-ming already.”
And lastly, “So you are the breadwinner, you pay entirely for daycare, and do the vast majority of child-rearing and household management while he’s away…and yet he criticizes you and makes YOU feel guilty??? What does he bring to the relationship?”
It is clear that OP needs to initiate some difficult conversations. What approach should she take?
This article was produced and syndicated by A Dime Saved.
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Originally posted 2023-04-14 05:15:21.