OP thinks it is embarrassing when his wife gives small gifts to people. He says his wife likes doing this, but he does not understand why.
Is giving people small gifts to thank them such an embarrassing thing?
Embarrassed by Kindness?
OP describes his wife as shy but loves showing appreciation to workers she thinks are not appreciated and recognized enough. You know the people who serve people daily but are never thanked enough?
If anything, they almost always have to deal with rude and demanding people at work. OP’s wife loves to appreciate them and show them how important they are.
She likes to give them baked goods to show her appreciation. You would think this is such a warm gesture, but OP says this act has embarrassed him in the past. Too bad… Who doesn’t love getting homemade cookies?
“Just Say Thank You…”
So, their oldest daughter rode on the school bus for the first time. In the morning, OP’s wife had the daughter hand a bag of cookies to the driver. She did the same to the driver doing the afternoon shift.
OP asked his wife why she did that when she could have just thanked the drivers. She told him that school drivers work hard to comfort nervous kids and control the misbehaving ones all while driving. She insisted that the drivers deserved more than just “thanks.”
Since When Is Kindness a Crime
He reminded her that these acts had embarrassed him, and he thought she was being extreme. He says he wouldn’t want to receive gifts from people he does not know, but her wife has since ignored him. He then went ahead and asked his mother whether he was wrong for asking his wife to stop the act. His mother and his friends told him he was a jerk for asking his wife to stop with the kind acts.
He, however, insists that this way of saying thanks makes people uncomfortable.
What do you think?
Redditors Way In
Is OP a jerk for asking his wife to stop giving baked goods to service providers?
Here is what Redditors think.
One commenter said, “THANK GOODNESS your child has the kindness of your wife as a counter-example to your behavior. Not only are you unnecessarily making an act of kindness about you, but you are also shaming your wife to friends and family. I would hate to be married to a man who wants to crush my kindness and embarrass me in front of others. YTA. Be a better person.”
Small Gifts Are Meaningful to Service Providers
From the comments below, such small gifts can be very meaningful to service providers.
“My mom is a bus driver, and she adores it when her parents give her presents, text her pictures over the summer, etc.”
Your Wife Is a Good Person
Replying to the comment above, another said, “So is my mother, and gifts like this are relatively common for bus drivers, especially amongst the family of younger kids. My mother used to come home on the last day of school with baskets of gifts. She still has some of the best ones in her house years and years later. Her favorite was a hand-carved, hand-painted bus. It’s quite beautiful. She was given this as a gift on her last route with that particular lot after 15 years. OP is TA not only for insulting and demeaning his wife but for thinking that gifting a worker is weird and over the top and being embarrassed by it, and for bringing the topic to other people to further embarrass and shame his wife for actually being a good person.”
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