Bridesmaid Needs To Know if Attending the Bridal Shower Is Actually Mandatory


Stressed Woman Feeling Exasperated at Garden party.

OP is a 26-year-old woman who was excited to be a bridesmaid at her cousin’s wedding. Growing up, she and her cousin were like siblings, so she felt honored to be a part of his big day. However, OP quickly realized that being a bridesmaid was more than just standing by the groom’s side on the wedding day.

OP’s cousin’s fiancé, who had expensive taste, had picked out a pricey bridesmaid dress, and the bachelorette plans weren’t exactly budget-friendly either. As a result, OP found herself spending a lot of money on the wedding festivities. She was willing to do it because she loved her cousin, but it was starting to add up.

To make matters worse, OP’s cousin and his fiancé had scheduled the bridal shower for the weekend before her best friend’s bachelorette party, where OP was the maid of honor. OP had already committed to that weekend, and the bridal shower was in a different city, so it would be a logistical nightmare for her to attend both events.

On top of everything else, OP was upset that her sister, who was just as close with their cousin as she was, wasn’t included in the wedding party. It made her feel like her cousin didn’t value her family as much as he should.

OP was torn. She wanted to support her cousin on his big day but didn’t know if she could afford to go to the bridal shower or if it was even worth the trouble. She also felt like she wasn’t being valued as a family member.

She confided in her best friend, who told her she shouldn’t feel guilty if she didn’t go to the bridal shower. Deep down, OP knew her friend was right, but she still felt like she was letting her cousin down.

After thinking about it for a few days, OP decided to talk to her cousin directly. She explained the situation with the conflicting bachelorette parties and told him that she would do everything in her power to make it up to him but that she wouldn’t be able to attend the bridal shower. She also mentioned how hurt she was that her sister wasn’t included in the wedding party, and they had a heart-to-heart conversation about it.

To OP’s surprise, her cousin was understanding and empathetic. He hadn’t realized how much the wedding was costing her and felt terrible that he had put her in such a difficult position. He promised to make it up to her in any way he could and even found a way to include her sister in the wedding festivities.

In the end, OP felt relieved that she had been honest with her cousin and that they had talked things out. She was able to attend her best friend’s bachelorette party without worrying about the bridal shower, and she felt like her cousin valued her and her family more than ever before.

Reddit Thoughts

@linerva thinks communication can solve the issue. “The thing you need to do is TALK to your cousin and the bride. It’s fine to gently make an excuse – like you’re busy, or you have financial constraints.”

@msfinch87 couldn’t agree more. “Being a bridesmaid does come with certain expectations, and simply the existence of these expectations is not unreasonable. It’s also a commitment to some things.”


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Originally posted 2023-08-08 09:00:32.